Reflective

It all happens so quickly. I never understood my parents and teachers growing up when they would tell me how quickly life will fly by. When you're in school, you are so caught up in the daily routines that you feel as though time creeps by with no end in sight. However, over the last 2-3 years, as my college career came to a close and I officially became an adult, I have never agreed more with that statement. My first year of teaching is over in just 3 weeks. How did that happen? It feels as though I just began a couple of months ago. I realized that it shows not only how much I love my job, but also that time really does fly by.
We buried my grandparents ashes today at the Palm Beach Memorial Park. I got more emotional than I had anticipated. I didn't expect to really get emotional at all, as I never really knew my grandfather, and my grandma has been gone for a couple of years now, what with her dementia and now death. No, the emotion came from a deeper place. A place that I don't often allow to come to the surface of my mind and thoughts.
I sat there listening to the letters my grandpa had written to my grandma, the beauty of his words and the desire in his voice for her to always be his. To love him eternally. And I realized that our lives are fleeting. We want to hold on to everything, but we can't. Not even while we are here. Our lives change. We change from elementary school to middle school, from middle school to high school, from high school to college, and then to a career. And all the while, we are switching friends. Old friends out with new friends, but if we're lucky, some of those old friends remain. And if we are really lucky, some of those old friends remain throughout our entire lives.
But I realized something always separates us here on earth. Moving, dying, marrying, etc. Our lives are constantly evolving into something new. And it can be fun, and exciting, and thrilling...but it is also scary and upsetting and sad.
With that said, I look forward to the day when we will all be together. And nothing, not time or space or evolution or anything will separate us. We will all be living together. No prejudices, no sickness, no uncertainty, no constant fear of change. We will be one forever, and every night will end with songs around a campfire, and we will always be in perfect harmony.
But until that day, my goal is to live the inbetween parts with happiness. I won't allow my frustrations to control my emotions. I will go to every event that my students ask me to if I'm able. I will start and finish every day with a smile in my heart that spreads to my face and pulses off of my attitude.

Gryphon

I was almost going to skip this tonight because I am tired, but while I was folding a shirt from Valentine's Day that I wore, and it says "I'm a lover, not a fighter". It made me think of Gryphon because we were wearing the same shirt. It made me think about how sweet and quiet he is. So much so that he can easily go unnoticed. Except for the bullying. I've never witnessed the bullying, but his dad swears it is happening. Gryphon has long hair, so that is a constant spot of ridicule. However, I was struck with a thought of Friday. Everyone was working on their research projects. Everyone needed help or feedback. Including Gryphon. He kept raising his hand for me, kept calling out to me. And each time he did, I told him, "Just hold on, Gryphon. I'm trying to get to everyone." Just hold on, hold on, hold on. And he would just smile and politely say, "Ok, thank you." I didn't really think much of it until now. He was so patient, so understanding, and so appreciative when I finally got to him. I hope you understand and realize how much that quality lacks in not only the majority of kids, but in all humans.

Megan

I've been listening to a lot of Bon Iver and youtube covers today, so I'm in a very reflective mood, which is perfect for writing. Today, I'm dedicating my thoughts and heart to Megan. Tiny, delicate Megan. She is a really hard worker, but sometimes she tries so hard that she stresses herself out. Megan has a special place in my heart because she got Will out of his lonely place. She doesn't care what others think--she befriends all, no matter what.
Megan is shy and quiet and keeps to herself. She shows emotion very rarely. But the other day, she came to me for extra help to catch up in Social Studies and ask for help with some concepts she wasn't quite clear on. It went very well, and after, we were talking with her mom. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, whether it had been building and the moment I shared how much I care for her and think highly of her, but I think she finally felt like she had someone at school that she could go to for help, because she hugs me and smiles and laughs often now. The only thing that I truly know in this life is that genuine, selfless love for others will change everything you know.

Brandon K.

Today is for Brandon K. Brandon is a twin. His brother, Ryan, is in my homeroom class, and Brandon is in my Reading/Writing Workshop and Social Studies classes. Brandon isn't one of those kids that gets close quickly or lets down his guard easily. In a way, he is somewhat of a dark individual for his young age. I think it is just the fantasy aspect that he enjoys. However, in the last couple of months, Brandon has gotten quite close to me and vice versa. I'm the only person he seems to want to hash out his concerns with. He and I have therapy sessions daily at my desk. I love this kid with every beat of my heart, and I love these moments we share. He is THE most amazing writer I have ever come across. And he is a leader and aims to please me.

Brandon--you don't go unnoticed.

Charlie

Keeping a thankful journal is something new for me. I find that I take the time to update my facebook status to share with my network of followers/friends what I am thankful for, but I don't take the time to write it down for record and history. I'm first thankful for Margrit for this idea and inspiration. What I have decided to use this journal for in the next 75-100 days/entries is to list and explain the kids that I work with daily that I am thankful for. I find this to be very helpful in keeping my focus on why I do the job I do. For the kids. I really love them all.
Today is for Charlie. Short, brown hair. Not very tall by any standards. Loves all sports, but particularly basketball. Comes from somewhat of an unsupportive family. Charlie gets a bad wrap from teachers, family, parents, and administration. However, although he can be challenging at time, I have found that when you take the time to get to know who this person is, he lets down his guard. When he can feel your trust and belief in him, he is putty in your hands. He wants to do what is right, and he wants to make you happy. He works hard and has an amazing heart when he feels safe with you. THAT is the Charlie that I see and love.

Forgiveness

Today wasn't the greatest of days. I didn't act or respond to situations in my day in the way I wish I would have. I have these days from time to time, and probably more often than I'd like to admit. It almost always involves my losing patience with children. I don't like that Scott.
The only thing that keeps my head held high is the knowledge that I'm forgiven and given another chance to act differently tomorrow.

Skinny Love