Pushing through

I love reading quotes sometimes. I have an app on my blackberry called Daily Quotes, so each new day, I receive or view a new quote. Since today is a Saturday and I'm not teaching, I am afforded the luxury of time. And I chose to spend my time this morning going through quotes. I found some of particular interest and would like to share them with you:
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it"-Bill Cosby
"Ordinary riches can be stolen. Real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."- Oscar Wilde
"No matter what parents do, kids retain their uniqueness."-Kirstie Alley
"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."-Japanese Proverb
"It always seems impossible until it's done."

I wanted to post these quotes not just to encourage you, but to encourage myself. Two weeks ago, I began student teaching at Alexander D. Henderson University School for my final college stint. I was nervous beyond belief, which is very unlike me. But this is an incredibly important experience, and I realized that, so I think I freaked myself out a bit. But I also think that it was because I knew that my heart did not want this, and it was fighting against me. And I didn't like that because I knew that would hurt me in the end.
The first week went by, and I started to relax a little bit more. But I was still not fully into it, and I hated that. I don't know why we block ourselves off from these experiences by building walls instead of bridges. I suppose it is just part of our selfish, sinful nature. But I knew that I was hurting myself by doing this. In the past, I would have become best friends with these students by now, and I would have been loving where I was at and what I was doing. And even though I felt better about the situation at this point, I knew my heart still needed to let go.
The second week proved to be even more successful than the first week. I began to loosen up, let go, and allow my heart to enjoy and appreciate the experience here that God is given me. There is no less amount of work that I'm going to have to do at this point, only more, but one night while driving (this is apparently the most important part of my day for it is when God allows me to really see Him and reveal His glory and splendor to me) I just got it. You know when you just understand everything in that moment? That was it.
I don't want to start teaching 100%, take control of the classroom. I don't, and I can't help that. I'm nervous. But now, I don't look at it as a death sentence. I look at it as my opportunity to grow as an educator, as a human being. I can be flawed up there and it is OK! I'm not expected to be perfect. This isn't something horrible, but something wonderful!
And so that is where I am right now. And God is constantly working on my heart each new day, and at this point, I'm ready to put more effort into this experience. I want to leave that school having impacted the lives of each person and student I am fortunate enough to come into contact with. I want to step outside the box, get out of my comfort zone, get out of my own way and MAKE this a great experience. God has already promised me glory and riches and love and life beyond imagination, so why would I hold back from making every single day that I have breath in my lungs anything but extraordinary?!
On Wednesday, when I take over social studies and language arts, I'm going to make sure that those kids know I love them, know I care about them, and show them that this is going to be an amazing experience. And I need to do that not only for them, but for myself as well.

Love is not an episode of Hoarders

We all have those guilty pleasures. Most of them in my group of friends involve tv shows. Spongebob Squarepants, Will and Grace, Golden Girls….Hoarders. Hoarders is a guilty pleasure of mine. I hate the show because I find it to be completely repulsive that people could ever let things get that bad. But I am completely enthralled that people have LET THINGS GET THAT BAD!
It’s like that accident on the side of the road. We all take a peek and slow down when we drive by, hoping that we will catch a glimpse of a dead body or a decapitated head. Don’t shoot me that sidelong glance, I’m just saying what everybody knows is what they are truly thinking when they slow down and look. I don’t know what it is, but we seem to seek after pain.
When I was in the shower tonight, I got to thinking about love. I’ve been really stressed the last week or so thinking about and starting student teaching, the holidays ending, friends going back home, life resuming to the normal sounds of labor and loss of time. And then I realized how many people in my life that make me happy to be alive.
Whenever I’m depressed or upset or dreading something, I’ve found that there are a handful of people and events that get me through, that keep me holding my head high and giving it my all to get through it, knowing that my payoff is I get to be with them again soon.
And I thought to myself, how many of these people actually know their importance in my life? Have I told them? Or have I just assumed they know? And that’s when I decided that our love should not be like an episode of hoarders. Why keep our love piled up inside, stuck away on shelves, hidden and neglected under beds and in closets? What good is all of this love doing for us in the corner of the living room underneath a pile of clothes and magazines that we don’t even know exist there?
So this post is strictly to say: I love you. Each one of you is important to me in a way that is completely unique. I know that I don’t always say it, and I realize that sometimes I don’t have the answers and I can act like a complete jerk. But I love you. And sometimes, those are the three saddest words I can say to you, because I think about being departed from you at some point in my life for some period of time, and it throws me into a deep depression.
You are my heart and my soul and my strength. Everyday I am alive, I am thankful, and it has a lot to do with each and every one of you. Thank you for being my comfort when I was hurt. Thank you for watching over me when I’m sick. Thank you for being home when I’ve had a bad day or am stressed. Thank you for listening when you don’t want to. Thank you for being exactly who you are. I love you now, I’ve loved you before, and I’ll love you until the breath is taken from my lungs.
Paul, Christina, Holly, Lindsey, Mom, Dad, Sarah, Margrit, Brooke.