I've come to the realization that one of the easiest things to do in the world is to become discouraged and to forget why you are walking down the path that you have chosen. This has become exceedingly clear in the last two weeks of my life. This can be done in your personal life, your career, or your heart and relationships. For me, it has started in one area and managed to work it's way across all the areas of my life and heart.
     I don't really feel that I ever chose teaching as my career. From the beginning of my life, I had wanted nothing more than to simply make money. And act. That was my dream. Acting or music, or modeling. Anything that would be different everyday and that would make me lots of money by doing basically nothing. I wanted to entertain, to perform, to make people laugh and smile and cry. I think that this came from a place that desired to see emotion among the people that I lived. But none of those dreams or goals came to fruition. Instead, teaching came into the picture and designed my future.
     From the moment that I began working with children, I knew I loved it. I knew I was good at it. I knew that I had a natural talent for doing this because I never had to think about it. Working with children never seemed like a job to me. It just felt as natural as taking a breath. I didn't have to plan or think or prep, I just had to do. Yet my heart tried to fight against following the pathway to this career. In my mind, it was a dead end. No money, so much routine and monotony. This clearly was the plan for my life.
     As my life progressed, I continued along in the teaching field. Summer camps, after care, tutoring, assistant teaching, substituting. But still I was not convinced that this would be my life. Even when I decided to change my major to Elementary Education. Even that fact did not sway me. However, as that fact didn't phase me, I also didn't know what I would do with my life instead. I was just traveling along, trying to earn a degree so I could find a job that would be thrilled to have me and pay me big bucks.
     When the time came for student teaching, my final crowning glory to this whole nightmare called college, I dreaded it more than any class I'd ever taken. I don't think there has been anything that I'd wanted to do less in life. I was completely against it, but I knew it was a necessary evil that I had to endure to get that piece of paper that said I was smart and deserved to make more than minimum wage. And thus, my journey of student teaching began. And it started out just as horribly as I'd anticipated.
     As the days and weeks went on, I didn't notice the change occurring inside of me. I was doing what I knew I had to do, but I wasn't trying to make it worthwhile. I was just going through the motions. Or so I thought. However, toward the end of my student teaching term, I felt myself growing weary of finishing this chapter of my life. I didn't want to leave the school. I didn't want this time to be over. I didn't want to say goodbye to all these children.
     Graduation day came, and I couldn't be happier. I needed to leave this university and get away from it all. I wanted to start my life, my career. But now I was faced with the question I'd been avoiding: What am I going to do? And as though it had been what I always knew would happen, I couldn't imagine going in any other direction than teaching. How did this happen, I wondered. When did this happen? How had I missed all the obvious signs that had been pointing in this direction? Had I really ever thought that this wouldn't be my life, or had I just pretended not to see it?
     I've been teaching fourth grade for 6 months now. I'm not sure that I've ever been happier to go to work in my life. Actually, I know that I haven't been happier. This is what I was built to do. This is my heart, my soul, my passion. And it has been all along, regardless of how much I tried fighting it all the way. And yet, with any job or career, there comes heartache, frustration, stress, and just general disappointment.
     And this is where my story begins. I have spent the last two weeks upset, frustrated, stressed, and hating my job. And it isn't until I'm typing this out that I realize how much I love this career that I call my life. And that is how I know this is where I'm meant to be and doing what I was destined to do.