Complete

It started on January 3, 2011 and ended April 21, 2011. I began my student teaching internship. I was moody, still sore from my skateboarding injury, not in the mood to begin a teaching internship for the next 4 months. There was such an arrogance that I was clinging to, as though I didn't need this internship, that I was already prepared and ready to just graduate and become a teacher. It truly was an ugly quality, and I'm sure it read as just that to everyone I came in contact with. This is when I am truly the most thankful for God's interventions in our lives.
As a result of my negative attitude, it took me much longer to gain the trust, respect, and joy of the students that I was in contact with. This has never happened to me in the 10 years I have been working with kids. I've always been able to connect with them instantaneously. It was this fact that made me realize that this was something in my heart that I desperately needed to change.
I would love to say that the change happened immediately, and that the next day the kids were clinging to me and loving every moment with me. But that's not how this story plays out.
It always amazes me how personally God knows each one of us. Our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles. God took me one day at a time for this process. He changed my heart gradually, not all at once. And I truly believe that was because I always try to do everything as quickly as possible, I want to see immediate results, I'm impatient. This is a true weakness at times. And that is how I know the existence of God is present and more real than anything I know. He knows my heart, and He took the time to teach me a lesson through all of this. To slow down, to be patient, to hold tight to the truth that He is going to make this exactly what He has planned for it to be.
Day by day, the progress was little, yet consistent. Until one day, the kids were my fans. And I was their devoted fans just as much. I found myself looking forward to going to work. I found myself smiling so much that the kids even commented on it. They told me that I was always smiling, that I was always happy. They wanted to know why. And I told them, "You make me smile." It was a huge, awesome thing that I could never have seen coming, yet that I knew God would bring.
It is now April 24, 2011, Easter Sunday. And as if that isn't reason enough in itself to smile and rejoice, I am also done with my student teaching internship. Wow, 4 months gone, done. Graduation is in less than two weeks. I'm going to be in Ireland in three weeks. My life is literally changing before my eyes. I'm going from student to professional. Incredible, and so amazing. God took me here and got me to this point. It took 7 years, but He did it. And even that amazes me. 7 years, when it would normally take 4. Patience was being taught and learned by me from Him.
The best part of what is going on in my heart right now is from the experience of my last day of student teaching. There was a huge party for my departure. Cake, cookies, cards, gifts, tears. It was joyous, it was painful, it was exciting. All of these emotions made me drunk with the love of my God. And something that I didn't expect was how hard it would be to leave. In the beginning, I couldn't have wanted anything more than to be done and leave.
But with me, hearts get into the mix, and it is over. A quality that I am so thankful God gave me is the ability to allow people easily into my heart, and to be able to gain the hearts of others quite easily. This is truly a special gift. And with kids, it is just the same. I see the hearts and the love of these kids in every interaction. And when hearts are involved, it makes everything so much harder, yet so much greater. Every time I have a group of kids and then have to let them go at the end of the year, it is the same thing. Pain, tears, sorrow...yet pride, thankfulness, and joy. It is really a mix of emotions that literally hurts my heart for a day or so. And sometimes I wonder if I should get into a career that is completely free of children so this doesn't happen, but then....I wouldn't trade this pain in for anything. It makes me more alive than ever.

The basis is this: I loved my student teaching internship, and I have been so rejuvenated. I know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, with every heartbeat, every heartbreak, every good moment, every bad moment, every struggle.