There are so many struggles in our daily lives that sometimes we feel overwhelmed, as though we should just give up now. After all, what's the point?
Over this past week, I have had the opportunity to work with a variety of age levels in the school system. I worked with 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 9th. And although I do not have the quite the gift needed to work with middle school/high school, I was able to see these kids on their level.
The reason that I love what I do is because of the point I made at the beginning. Struggle. There are so many people out there that tell these kids they'll never amount to anything, that have no guidance, that are misunderstood. These kids struggle just to get through a day. And to see them move from day to day is miraculous.
Do you remember what is was like to be in middle school? The only word that comes to mind for me is terrible. I hated every second that I was in middle school because it was always awkward and it just seemed uncomfortable. So when I think about it, these are the kids that we need to show the most love and compassion towards, not toss aside like yesterday's garbage.
I'm so thankful that God blessed me with the gift of some form of children's ministry. God loves the little children, all the children of the world. Each one of them is precious in His sight. He tells us to treat them with love and respect, and to honor them and encourage them. We are their guidance in this world. We are their everything. Even when it seems that they want nothing to do with us, we are all they truly know in life. If we just uprooted ourselves from their lives, they would have no idea where to turn, and more than likely, they would flounder.
I know that not everybody receives the ultimate joy that I receive from working with children, and that's ok. But I just want to encourage you to guide these kids along in life to the best of your ability. Parents, every action you make is being watched by these children, and you don't seem to understand how much you are ripping them apart and ruining the goodness within them by your selfish desires. Love is the ultimate motivator.
None of this is really too cohesive, but these are thoughts, and they are mine for you to take and use as you will.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Complete
It started on January 3, 2011 and ended April 21, 2011. I began my student teaching internship. I was moody, still sore from my skateboarding injury, not in the mood to begin a teaching internship for the next 4 months. There was such an arrogance that I was clinging to, as though I didn't need this internship, that I was already prepared and ready to just graduate and become a teacher. It truly was an ugly quality, and I'm sure it read as just that to everyone I came in contact with. This is when I am truly the most thankful for God's interventions in our lives.
As a result of my negative attitude, it took me much longer to gain the trust, respect, and joy of the students that I was in contact with. This has never happened to me in the 10 years I have been working with kids. I've always been able to connect with them instantaneously. It was this fact that made me realize that this was something in my heart that I desperately needed to change.
I would love to say that the change happened immediately, and that the next day the kids were clinging to me and loving every moment with me. But that's not how this story plays out.
It always amazes me how personally God knows each one of us. Our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles. God took me one day at a time for this process. He changed my heart gradually, not all at once. And I truly believe that was because I always try to do everything as quickly as possible, I want to see immediate results, I'm impatient. This is a true weakness at times. And that is how I know the existence of God is present and more real than anything I know. He knows my heart, and He took the time to teach me a lesson through all of this. To slow down, to be patient, to hold tight to the truth that He is going to make this exactly what He has planned for it to be.
Day by day, the progress was little, yet consistent. Until one day, the kids were my fans. And I was their devoted fans just as much. I found myself looking forward to going to work. I found myself smiling so much that the kids even commented on it. They told me that I was always smiling, that I was always happy. They wanted to know why. And I told them, "You make me smile." It was a huge, awesome thing that I could never have seen coming, yet that I knew God would bring.
It is now April 24, 2011, Easter Sunday. And as if that isn't reason enough in itself to smile and rejoice, I am also done with my student teaching internship. Wow, 4 months gone, done. Graduation is in less than two weeks. I'm going to be in Ireland in three weeks. My life is literally changing before my eyes. I'm going from student to professional. Incredible, and so amazing. God took me here and got me to this point. It took 7 years, but He did it. And even that amazes me. 7 years, when it would normally take 4. Patience was being taught and learned by me from Him.
The best part of what is going on in my heart right now is from the experience of my last day of student teaching. There was a huge party for my departure. Cake, cookies, cards, gifts, tears. It was joyous, it was painful, it was exciting. All of these emotions made me drunk with the love of my God. And something that I didn't expect was how hard it would be to leave. In the beginning, I couldn't have wanted anything more than to be done and leave.
But with me, hearts get into the mix, and it is over. A quality that I am so thankful God gave me is the ability to allow people easily into my heart, and to be able to gain the hearts of others quite easily. This is truly a special gift. And with kids, it is just the same. I see the hearts and the love of these kids in every interaction. And when hearts are involved, it makes everything so much harder, yet so much greater. Every time I have a group of kids and then have to let them go at the end of the year, it is the same thing. Pain, tears, sorrow...yet pride, thankfulness, and joy. It is really a mix of emotions that literally hurts my heart for a day or so. And sometimes I wonder if I should get into a career that is completely free of children so this doesn't happen, but then....I wouldn't trade this pain in for anything. It makes me more alive than ever.
The basis is this: I loved my student teaching internship, and I have been so rejuvenated. I know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, with every heartbeat, every heartbreak, every good moment, every bad moment, every struggle.
As a result of my negative attitude, it took me much longer to gain the trust, respect, and joy of the students that I was in contact with. This has never happened to me in the 10 years I have been working with kids. I've always been able to connect with them instantaneously. It was this fact that made me realize that this was something in my heart that I desperately needed to change.
I would love to say that the change happened immediately, and that the next day the kids were clinging to me and loving every moment with me. But that's not how this story plays out.
It always amazes me how personally God knows each one of us. Our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles. God took me one day at a time for this process. He changed my heart gradually, not all at once. And I truly believe that was because I always try to do everything as quickly as possible, I want to see immediate results, I'm impatient. This is a true weakness at times. And that is how I know the existence of God is present and more real than anything I know. He knows my heart, and He took the time to teach me a lesson through all of this. To slow down, to be patient, to hold tight to the truth that He is going to make this exactly what He has planned for it to be.
Day by day, the progress was little, yet consistent. Until one day, the kids were my fans. And I was their devoted fans just as much. I found myself looking forward to going to work. I found myself smiling so much that the kids even commented on it. They told me that I was always smiling, that I was always happy. They wanted to know why. And I told them, "You make me smile." It was a huge, awesome thing that I could never have seen coming, yet that I knew God would bring.
It is now April 24, 2011, Easter Sunday. And as if that isn't reason enough in itself to smile and rejoice, I am also done with my student teaching internship. Wow, 4 months gone, done. Graduation is in less than two weeks. I'm going to be in Ireland in three weeks. My life is literally changing before my eyes. I'm going from student to professional. Incredible, and so amazing. God took me here and got me to this point. It took 7 years, but He did it. And even that amazes me. 7 years, when it would normally take 4. Patience was being taught and learned by me from Him.
The best part of what is going on in my heart right now is from the experience of my last day of student teaching. There was a huge party for my departure. Cake, cookies, cards, gifts, tears. It was joyous, it was painful, it was exciting. All of these emotions made me drunk with the love of my God. And something that I didn't expect was how hard it would be to leave. In the beginning, I couldn't have wanted anything more than to be done and leave.
But with me, hearts get into the mix, and it is over. A quality that I am so thankful God gave me is the ability to allow people easily into my heart, and to be able to gain the hearts of others quite easily. This is truly a special gift. And with kids, it is just the same. I see the hearts and the love of these kids in every interaction. And when hearts are involved, it makes everything so much harder, yet so much greater. Every time I have a group of kids and then have to let them go at the end of the year, it is the same thing. Pain, tears, sorrow...yet pride, thankfulness, and joy. It is really a mix of emotions that literally hurts my heart for a day or so. And sometimes I wonder if I should get into a career that is completely free of children so this doesn't happen, but then....I wouldn't trade this pain in for anything. It makes me more alive than ever.
The basis is this: I loved my student teaching internship, and I have been so rejuvenated. I know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, with every heartbeat, every heartbreak, every good moment, every bad moment, every struggle.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I know.
Throughout our lives, we are running a marathon. Sometimes we forget to slow down and take a break, so we miss a few things along the way. If we are lucky, we get to run the marathon in a loop so that we have the opportunity to see things again and really take notice of them. Learn to slow down.
We all possess a gift. And we are always searching for it. I have searched for many years for my gift. What will I do with my life? How will I make a living? What am I going to school for? Is this really what I want to do? Am I going to do this for the next 50 years? And I've searched for the answers to those questions so many times.
Today, and many times in the past, I have found those answers. But not without effort. Not without failures and success. Not without hardships. Not without following another path for awhile. Not without help.
Today, I went to visit the after care kids and staff at Advent Lutheran School where I worked for two years. I haven't seen those kids since August 2010. So, about...7 months now. And I decided today was the day to visit. To see everyone.
I didn't see everyone because I didn't get there until 4:15pm and they were doing homework and I was talking with Rhonda. But I saw some of them. And that was enough.
What impacted me the most was when two 5th grade boys saw me, their faces lit up, they ran up to me, squeezed tight, and told me how much they had missed me. They kept talking about how they wished I was still there, that they wanted to be at the school where I was teaching so they could be in my class, and things like that.
I can't begin, I can't even touch on how that made me feel. There are so many times in our lives when we feel like what we are doing with our lives is a waste. Like we need to be doing more. We get discouraged so easily and burnt out by all the responsibilities that we have in life that we start to second guess our impact in this world.
Today, those two boys reminded me why I got into education in the first place. I have had so many trials, so many hard times, so many moments of weakness and of discouragement that it has made me want to just begin another career and not even go into education. But today, I couldn't imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life.
No matter how much I may think I am not impacting these kids because every lesson isn't fun or I have to yell at them sometimes or we go on break or hit moments where we are just done, these kids need me, and I need them. They are impacted by me every day that I am with them, and even when I'm not. And vice versa.
Please, don't second guess yourself. What you do makes a difference to someone, and I guarantee someone has made a difference to you. We all have a purpose. We all have a plan and a reason for existing, even when we think we couldn't possibly matter to anyone. We do.
Children are my entire life and my source of happiness. I love every moment that I get to spend in their presence. And I know they feel the same about us, even if we don't always feel that way. Hold your head up high, because trust me, you matter. And that is truth.
We all possess a gift. And we are always searching for it. I have searched for many years for my gift. What will I do with my life? How will I make a living? What am I going to school for? Is this really what I want to do? Am I going to do this for the next 50 years? And I've searched for the answers to those questions so many times.
Today, and many times in the past, I have found those answers. But not without effort. Not without failures and success. Not without hardships. Not without following another path for awhile. Not without help.
Today, I went to visit the after care kids and staff at Advent Lutheran School where I worked for two years. I haven't seen those kids since August 2010. So, about...7 months now. And I decided today was the day to visit. To see everyone.
I didn't see everyone because I didn't get there until 4:15pm and they were doing homework and I was talking with Rhonda. But I saw some of them. And that was enough.
What impacted me the most was when two 5th grade boys saw me, their faces lit up, they ran up to me, squeezed tight, and told me how much they had missed me. They kept talking about how they wished I was still there, that they wanted to be at the school where I was teaching so they could be in my class, and things like that.
I can't begin, I can't even touch on how that made me feel. There are so many times in our lives when we feel like what we are doing with our lives is a waste. Like we need to be doing more. We get discouraged so easily and burnt out by all the responsibilities that we have in life that we start to second guess our impact in this world.
Today, those two boys reminded me why I got into education in the first place. I have had so many trials, so many hard times, so many moments of weakness and of discouragement that it has made me want to just begin another career and not even go into education. But today, I couldn't imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life.
No matter how much I may think I am not impacting these kids because every lesson isn't fun or I have to yell at them sometimes or we go on break or hit moments where we are just done, these kids need me, and I need them. They are impacted by me every day that I am with them, and even when I'm not. And vice versa.
Please, don't second guess yourself. What you do makes a difference to someone, and I guarantee someone has made a difference to you. We all have a purpose. We all have a plan and a reason for existing, even when we think we couldn't possibly matter to anyone. We do.
Children are my entire life and my source of happiness. I love every moment that I get to spend in their presence. And I know they feel the same about us, even if we don't always feel that way. Hold your head up high, because trust me, you matter. And that is truth.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Starbucks
I had to come inside to Starbucks immediately to post. I have just found OUR section of Montreal. I think it is the Latin Quarter ironically enough. It is definitely the arts district. I was walking back from downtown and I noticed this incredibly beautiful steeple, so I started walking down Avenue Saint-Denis to go take a picture of it. Before I got there, I noticed a shop I thought Sarah would enjoy. It looked dark and seedy, like a place that is similar to Hot Topic. One that would sell creepy baby dolls. It turned out to be more like an S&M shop, so I walked by quickly.
Then I noticed a bunch of Tattouage and Percage Shops (Tattoos and piercings, duh). And they looked clean and REAL awesome. There were buildings with awesome graffiti on them, you know, art work, not just random nonsense.
And there are all kinds of awesome restaurants, Star Bucks, and the like. And when I sat down at Starbucks, I noticed a table of people that are sketching. Of course, being the nosy person I am, I immediately spied on them to get a glimpse of what they are sketching. It is REAL good. Lots of waves and colors and such. Stuff that we'd get tattooed on our bodies. So I just had to come inside and post about it.
I'm trying to decide what to do tomorrow. I already called the girl that I am renting from and told her I was going to leave around noon even though my bus doesn't leave until 5pm, but she wanted to charge me for an extra day even though I was barely even going to be in the apt. So I'm gonna haul my luggage to the bus station and store it and then explore the downtown portion of the city that I haven't seen much of yet. But now I'm thinking the locker space might not be big enough for my suitcase, so maybe I should just pay the $30 for another day and keep it there. I guess I'll figure it out.
Then I noticed a bunch of Tattouage and Percage Shops (Tattoos and piercings, duh). And they looked clean and REAL awesome. There were buildings with awesome graffiti on them, you know, art work, not just random nonsense.
And there are all kinds of awesome restaurants, Star Bucks, and the like. And when I sat down at Starbucks, I noticed a table of people that are sketching. Of course, being the nosy person I am, I immediately spied on them to get a glimpse of what they are sketching. It is REAL good. Lots of waves and colors and such. Stuff that we'd get tattooed on our bodies. So I just had to come inside and post about it.
I'm trying to decide what to do tomorrow. I already called the girl that I am renting from and told her I was going to leave around noon even though my bus doesn't leave until 5pm, but she wanted to charge me for an extra day even though I was barely even going to be in the apt. So I'm gonna haul my luggage to the bus station and store it and then explore the downtown portion of the city that I haven't seen much of yet. But now I'm thinking the locker space might not be big enough for my suitcase, so maybe I should just pay the $30 for another day and keep it there. I guess I'll figure it out.
L'artdu vrai
I don't even know what that means. It is on the side of a building and it is surrounded by a picture of cornfields. Go figure.
I'm here in Montreal, QB! I was so excited when I first booked my tickets in October! And I was excited when I began my travels! But as of yesterday, I was over it and wanted to go home. This usually happens when I travel alone. I do it often, and everyone thinks I'm nuts or really brave. But don't misjudge me. I'm just a big baby.
I do enjoy this city. It is so many things all rolled into one. It is ugly. It has graffiti on every inch of wall space you can imagine. And not the good kind. The ones that say random things, like this wall next to me. It says Zock. Really? You can't even add a cool design?
But then there are lots of buildings with awesome graffiti. And you look down one direction of Rue de Mont-Royal and you see this huge stretch of city and buildings and homes. And then you look in the other direction, and you see another stretch of this, but at the end, you can see the snow covered mountains, as well. It is breathtakingly beautiful!
There is a lot going on here, as well. If it weren't for the language, you'd think this was an American city. Except for some of the shops windows that have put up American money and drawn mustache faces on the presidents that are on them. Very mature and kind, these French are.
There is trash LITTERING the streets. I mean, this kind of trash rivals the trash in NYC. It is EVERYWHERE. And not just normal trash, but broken bottles, broken light bulbs, baby carriages. It is pretty intense trash I'm talking about. And nobody seems to mind it!
Today was a lot better. I think I was emotional yesterday because I had expected Caitlyn to be with me my first day and second night here, but communication was mixed up and she got here the day I was leaving. So I only spent about 3 hours with her in the morning before she had to leave. And then I was alone.
And it probably wouldn't have even been that bad if I had a TV in my room! This apartment doesn't have a tv or a wireless connection, so I literally have to resort to reading or watching one of the 3 movies I brought with me. Meanwhile, I've already watched 2, so I'm going to have to buy another one tomorrow when I get back to the states.
This guy just walked by wearing an AWESOME jacket. Sidenote.
But I made it through last night. I wanted to leave early, change my flight, but it was going to cost $238, and that is just stupid, so I'm staying the whole length of my trip! Right on! I didn't cave in and just waste the money. I'm proud.
And I had considered taking a train or bus to NYC and visiting V today and come back tomorrow, but it would have been $150 and 16 hours of total travel time and only like 4 hours of actual awake time, so that was dumb, too.
Today a lot more people spoke English, so that was nice.
I am looking at Aldo across the street right now, and since I ruined my suede boots I bought from the Chicago store a long time ago, I may be taking a trip there after this. I'm also on the hunt for some cool things to bring back for the family. Mom, dad, Paul, Christina, Holly, Margrit, Brooke, you know. (I'd say you Lindsey, but I still haven't even mailed your birthday present, so there's no point)
I realize on every trip that I'm so content with what God has placed in my life that even a short trip away from those people I love is hard. And I really love that revelation. I seem to always be searching for something more, something better, something just different. And when I get the opportunity to pursue it, I hate it or I back out. And I used to think that made me a coward and a loser, but really, I am just so happy that I don't need anything else.
God has filled me with a heart of happiness and love and contentment for everything I have. I don't need more. If I get offered a job somewhere that is around people I know, I'd probably take it. But I'm going to do a heck of a lot more applying to schools in this area, or at least in Florida, because I need to slowly phase myself out of this area if that's what I want. But right now, it still isn't.
I love the city lifestyle, the easy access to transportation, all the cool shops, the hordes of people, the fast pace life. But I don't like the cold people, the lack of interaction, the darkness. So there are things I still need to consider. How much do I want it? Am I willing to give up what truly satisfies me here?
I'm going to explore some more. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
I'm here in Montreal, QB! I was so excited when I first booked my tickets in October! And I was excited when I began my travels! But as of yesterday, I was over it and wanted to go home. This usually happens when I travel alone. I do it often, and everyone thinks I'm nuts or really brave. But don't misjudge me. I'm just a big baby.
I do enjoy this city. It is so many things all rolled into one. It is ugly. It has graffiti on every inch of wall space you can imagine. And not the good kind. The ones that say random things, like this wall next to me. It says Zock. Really? You can't even add a cool design?
But then there are lots of buildings with awesome graffiti. And you look down one direction of Rue de Mont-Royal and you see this huge stretch of city and buildings and homes. And then you look in the other direction, and you see another stretch of this, but at the end, you can see the snow covered mountains, as well. It is breathtakingly beautiful!
There is a lot going on here, as well. If it weren't for the language, you'd think this was an American city. Except for some of the shops windows that have put up American money and drawn mustache faces on the presidents that are on them. Very mature and kind, these French are.
There is trash LITTERING the streets. I mean, this kind of trash rivals the trash in NYC. It is EVERYWHERE. And not just normal trash, but broken bottles, broken light bulbs, baby carriages. It is pretty intense trash I'm talking about. And nobody seems to mind it!
Today was a lot better. I think I was emotional yesterday because I had expected Caitlyn to be with me my first day and second night here, but communication was mixed up and she got here the day I was leaving. So I only spent about 3 hours with her in the morning before she had to leave. And then I was alone.
And it probably wouldn't have even been that bad if I had a TV in my room! This apartment doesn't have a tv or a wireless connection, so I literally have to resort to reading or watching one of the 3 movies I brought with me. Meanwhile, I've already watched 2, so I'm going to have to buy another one tomorrow when I get back to the states.
This guy just walked by wearing an AWESOME jacket. Sidenote.
But I made it through last night. I wanted to leave early, change my flight, but it was going to cost $238, and that is just stupid, so I'm staying the whole length of my trip! Right on! I didn't cave in and just waste the money. I'm proud.
And I had considered taking a train or bus to NYC and visiting V today and come back tomorrow, but it would have been $150 and 16 hours of total travel time and only like 4 hours of actual awake time, so that was dumb, too.
Today a lot more people spoke English, so that was nice.
I am looking at Aldo across the street right now, and since I ruined my suede boots I bought from the Chicago store a long time ago, I may be taking a trip there after this. I'm also on the hunt for some cool things to bring back for the family. Mom, dad, Paul, Christina, Holly, Margrit, Brooke, you know. (I'd say you Lindsey, but I still haven't even mailed your birthday present, so there's no point)
I realize on every trip that I'm so content with what God has placed in my life that even a short trip away from those people I love is hard. And I really love that revelation. I seem to always be searching for something more, something better, something just different. And when I get the opportunity to pursue it, I hate it or I back out. And I used to think that made me a coward and a loser, but really, I am just so happy that I don't need anything else.
God has filled me with a heart of happiness and love and contentment for everything I have. I don't need more. If I get offered a job somewhere that is around people I know, I'd probably take it. But I'm going to do a heck of a lot more applying to schools in this area, or at least in Florida, because I need to slowly phase myself out of this area if that's what I want. But right now, it still isn't.
I love the city lifestyle, the easy access to transportation, all the cool shops, the hordes of people, the fast pace life. But I don't like the cold people, the lack of interaction, the darkness. So there are things I still need to consider. How much do I want it? Am I willing to give up what truly satisfies me here?
I'm going to explore some more. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Job
I sit here in my bed a broken man. I'm broken. Used goods. I have a heart that loves to seek after evil, a mind that yearns to destroy itself. I am nobody, and yet I am the same as everybody. We are each evil and broken in our own way. That statement alone brings tears to my eyes and hope to my heart.
If we are honest with ourselves, the statement I've made above makes sense, and you understand exactly what I'm talking about. We ARE all broken in some way, each and everyone of us. God knows that, others around us know that, but for some reason, we don't always seem to know it. But just because we're broken doesn't mean we can't be fixed or restored.
When a toy that our children play with breaks, one that they particularly love, we immediately look for solutions to fix it. We try to be innovative and fix it ourselves, we call someone who knows how to fix it, or we just go out and buy them a new one. We desperately want their happiness, and we don't want them to hurt. Even though it is just a toy, children only know so few things that a broken toy is like a broken heart.
In the same way, God is our father. He doesn't want us to feel sadness or pain. He sees that we are broken, and He knows EXACTLY how to fix us. He tries giving us direction, He pours out His love upon us, He does everything a perfect father would and should do. The problem is not our father, the problem is us. The children. We refuse to see His hand in front of us. We refuse to feel His love and mercy. And just like you would feel to watch your child cry out in pain and do everything you can to make his pain go away, God feels for us when we reject His help. But the difference is that He never gives up. Ever.
I was reading Job this morning, and it is one of my favorite books of the bible. It is real life. These are trials that he is going through, much like trials we go through. Yet we see how Job responds in both positive and negative ways. But what inspired me was the positive way in which he responded. His livestock was destroyed, houses were in ruins, and his children all died on the same day. And instead of crying and cursing and drinking and throwing himself headfirst into depression and a life of darkness, he PRAISES God. He rejoices. He says, God gives and God takes away. We take the good days, so we must also take the bad days.
I will admit that I begin weeping each time I read those lines, as I am weeping now just writing about it. I think about how often I turn away from the love and help of Jesus that stands right in front of me in times of trouble. Sure, I don't always turn away, sometimes I accept His help immediately. But sometimes I choose to just feel sorry for myself, complain, moan, cry out. And yet, God is right there, the whole time, watching me, cradling me, loving me like the perfect father He is, always giving me a way out. But I don't see it because of my pride, because of my selfish heart.
I am encouraged each day in some way, some days more than others. Today was more than others, and you needed to know in the hopes that you might be encouraged, as well.
If we are honest with ourselves, the statement I've made above makes sense, and you understand exactly what I'm talking about. We ARE all broken in some way, each and everyone of us. God knows that, others around us know that, but for some reason, we don't always seem to know it. But just because we're broken doesn't mean we can't be fixed or restored.
When a toy that our children play with breaks, one that they particularly love, we immediately look for solutions to fix it. We try to be innovative and fix it ourselves, we call someone who knows how to fix it, or we just go out and buy them a new one. We desperately want their happiness, and we don't want them to hurt. Even though it is just a toy, children only know so few things that a broken toy is like a broken heart.
In the same way, God is our father. He doesn't want us to feel sadness or pain. He sees that we are broken, and He knows EXACTLY how to fix us. He tries giving us direction, He pours out His love upon us, He does everything a perfect father would and should do. The problem is not our father, the problem is us. The children. We refuse to see His hand in front of us. We refuse to feel His love and mercy. And just like you would feel to watch your child cry out in pain and do everything you can to make his pain go away, God feels for us when we reject His help. But the difference is that He never gives up. Ever.
I was reading Job this morning, and it is one of my favorite books of the bible. It is real life. These are trials that he is going through, much like trials we go through. Yet we see how Job responds in both positive and negative ways. But what inspired me was the positive way in which he responded. His livestock was destroyed, houses were in ruins, and his children all died on the same day. And instead of crying and cursing and drinking and throwing himself headfirst into depression and a life of darkness, he PRAISES God. He rejoices. He says, God gives and God takes away. We take the good days, so we must also take the bad days.
I will admit that I begin weeping each time I read those lines, as I am weeping now just writing about it. I think about how often I turn away from the love and help of Jesus that stands right in front of me in times of trouble. Sure, I don't always turn away, sometimes I accept His help immediately. But sometimes I choose to just feel sorry for myself, complain, moan, cry out. And yet, God is right there, the whole time, watching me, cradling me, loving me like the perfect father He is, always giving me a way out. But I don't see it because of my pride, because of my selfish heart.
I am encouraged each day in some way, some days more than others. Today was more than others, and you needed to know in the hopes that you might be encouraged, as well.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Its been a while
I knew that teaching would be time consuming, so I'm not surprised that this is the first time I've had the opportunity to post in a while. On Saturdays, I usually have to work for a couple of hours in the morning, grocery shop, and do laundry. And of course, relax. Otherwise I'd go crazy. So of course, I don't often have the desire to type an entry, and for that, I apologize.
I'm going into my 9th week of student teaching. There are 16 weeks total, and actually only 15 weeks of actual teaching because of Spring Break. I am going into my last week of 100% teaching. I can't believe that I've already been full-time teaching for 5 weeks. It doesn't seem like it has been that long at all. Which is definitely a blessing.
When I began this whole experience, I was upset. I wanted it to just be over. Everyday was filled with anguish for this. And I couldn't have been acting more selfishly if I tried. I was being completely ridiculous. And arrogant, as if I already knew everything I needed to know and was above learning anything new.
Now that I've been doing this for 9 weeks, I can honestly say that I have had a lot of ups and downs throughout this whole experience. But what I've been able to take away from this experience is that I have more learning to do. And by that, I mean my whole life. I've been able to experience a lot of challenges throughout my teaching. I realize that I am a good teacher, after worrying that I wasn't. But I've also learned that there are a few things I need to work on to improve my teaching, and I'm actually excited about that now. I'm glad that I don't know everything, and I'm excited to work on these things and improve them.
This whole experience has revitalized my desire to teach. These children are my life, and I am their gateway to success, on multiple levels. And I like having that kind of responsibility.
I'm going into my 9th week of student teaching. There are 16 weeks total, and actually only 15 weeks of actual teaching because of Spring Break. I am going into my last week of 100% teaching. I can't believe that I've already been full-time teaching for 5 weeks. It doesn't seem like it has been that long at all. Which is definitely a blessing.
When I began this whole experience, I was upset. I wanted it to just be over. Everyday was filled with anguish for this. And I couldn't have been acting more selfishly if I tried. I was being completely ridiculous. And arrogant, as if I already knew everything I needed to know and was above learning anything new.
Now that I've been doing this for 9 weeks, I can honestly say that I have had a lot of ups and downs throughout this whole experience. But what I've been able to take away from this experience is that I have more learning to do. And by that, I mean my whole life. I've been able to experience a lot of challenges throughout my teaching. I realize that I am a good teacher, after worrying that I wasn't. But I've also learned that there are a few things I need to work on to improve my teaching, and I'm actually excited about that now. I'm glad that I don't know everything, and I'm excited to work on these things and improve them.
This whole experience has revitalized my desire to teach. These children are my life, and I am their gateway to success, on multiple levels. And I like having that kind of responsibility.
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