Continued

So after the doctor and the meds and still being in so much pain, I went to see my chiropractor. He told me that I just made a mess of myself, didn't really diagnosis me, just told me I'd need to put some Traumeel on it, take it easy, and come back for more adjustments.
Well this left me in complete discomfort because I still had no idea the length of time it would take to heal or the overall damage. Then I went to the Physical Therapist. And it was after that consultation that I began the first day of my breakdown. She told me that it was a herniated disc. And that it would be with me for the rest of my life, flaring up at times.  I know that most of the time it won't cause me pain, but knowing that it could flare up at sometime and having to endure it again for a day or two or however long disturbs me and I just lost it.
But today is the first day that I've started feeling better. Last night, I slept the whole night through for the first time in a week. But I say all of this to say that this has been and is continuing to be a journey, a life experience.
I have had to give up complete control to God. There is nothing that I have done that has made me feel better, and no matter how much I manipulate my body and take pills and sleep a certain way to get rid of the pain, it won't leave just because I want it to.
This whole experience has revealed a number of things to me. The first thing that I have learned is that I have severely neglected the people that surround me on a daily basis. It is easy to neglect the ones we love most because we feel like they'll always be there. This is especially true of my parents. My dad was the one who took me to the MD Now the first day it happened, and paid for the appointment without even a thought.
My dad took out his wallet again to pay for the medications. Again, not even blinking. It was just as though he wouldn't even allow money to be an issue for healing my pain. And that threw me.
Then my mom took me to every chiropractor and physical therapy appointment I had, again shelling out $35 here and $35 there and taking me for coffee and breakfast and listening to me cry and complain and moan. She wouldn't even think of not being there for me.
And the most amazing thing that I've learned about my parents is that they love me so much that my pain becomes their pain. My suffering has been their suffering, and I can see it all over their faces. And to me, this is incredible. And this is the major reason that I have shed so many tears in the past few days. God revealed in my heart that my parents would do anything and everything to care for me, no matter the cost, no matter the pain. And that is selfless love at its very best.
Another area that has been revealed to me is my brother and my friends. It is along the same lines as my parents, but it is different. My brother is not someone that is good with emotions and confrontations, good or bad. Yet when he saw me in pain, I could see the pain on his face, and he has done nothing but encourage me and love me each day. And that is huge to me.
Holly has texted me everyday to see how I was feeling. And for a person to even take a small portion out of their day while they are busy to ask that is amazing.
The final thing that has been revealed to me is my struggles. I have been struggling with my desires. I have plateaued. I have gotten to a place in my relationship with Christ that I thought was good enough. However, I was still struggling with wasting time on the computer trying to find...satisfaction. Trying to find someone else that could relate to me, someone I could share my desires with. But my desires were different than the ones God has in store for me.
And this was revealed to me because I was literally unable to use the computer as I was in so much pain. So God really took everything that I was struggling with and stopped it dead in its tracks.

I have reached a point where I know I have so much growth to do in my relationships with friends, family, and Christ. And I am excited for that! I have deleted accounts that were meaningless and that were drawing me farther and farther away from God. And a friend was talking with me the other day and told me something that is so inspiring and so true.

We don't think about trusting in God or thanking God for His blessings when our lives are going great nearly as much as we do when our lives are in despair. I'm telling you, God uses the most terrible, low situations in our lives to show us His love more than ever. And I hated everything I went through and will continue to go through because it isn't my way. But I have sat down in my closet, against my dresser, and just cried out to God in the most true form of worship and honor and praise that I have ever experienced in my life.

And THAT is the journey of THIS man at this point.